Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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