I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Of course I have a pirate flag
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
