You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
