He uses pillows to masturbate.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
