It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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