Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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