Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
