I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize