Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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