who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Are we still banned from the library?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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