Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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