For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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