im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
