I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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