you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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