what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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