Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
