My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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