he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
