You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
