My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
