it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My breasts were aching with rage.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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