Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
