He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
