Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
