So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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