1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
