I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
