i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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