Got a toothbrush?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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