She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
