well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize