K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
