How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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