oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
