I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
