You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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