I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
