So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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