Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
