worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
