I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
