I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
