I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize