I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
