whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is wine microwaveable?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
