So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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