its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
