1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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