I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
