one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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