my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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