i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
someone owes me an orgasm
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
