birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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