i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
