hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
