My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
