2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize