Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
