Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
