whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
