tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
