he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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