tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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