I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
