mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
