I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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